Reward Shopper
This afternoon I saw my doctor for the first time since my junior year of college. My *real* doctor, not the, er, um, "o' so nice people", at Pitt's health services. Originally, I went in for the allergic reaction (yuck gross) on my eyes (that's been there since December) but as the Doc aptly put it, it was one of those "Oh By the Way" visits, where we ended up talking (briefly) about all my problems (specifically, suicide attempts '04-05).
It was kinda weird b/c there was a "traveling med student" with her, who obviously now thinks I'm a nutcase. But, oh well. Needless to say, I walked out with 6 different prescriptions for all different things, bloodwork (a thyroid problem checkup), and a promise to say hi to my mom (did I tell you that I went to nursery school w/ my doctor's daughter)? The visit stressed me out.
I realized...after almost breaking down and crying, getting claustrophobic and having my voice shake and my palms sweat, talking (seriously) about last year still makes me nervous. I also realized that I have one of those "I laugh when I need to talk about serious things" complexes (e.g. people dying, my real feelings, etc.). Maybe that means that I can't deal with my emotions. I think I've pushed a lot of things under the proverbial bed thinking that "hey, at least I'm a helluva lot better than last year." But, no, I'm not better.
[For example: I hate how I get blamed for *everything*. I wish I could just apologize and have a one-on-one conversation with everyone in the world to tell them that I'm on their side and that whatever I did to them is a misunderstanding. I wish I could stand up for myself and realize my strengths instead of dwelling on my weaknesses. I wish I was not afraid to be my bad-ass-extroverted-self who I've turned into an introvert....because I just want to connect with people. More than anything, I want to show people that I'm human even if I take gambles or make "bad" choices or say things that most people just think. Everyone always tells me that people are not used to that. I guess I just wish I didn't scare people away. its both my strength and my weakness.]
In lighter news, I think it's cute/funny how my doctor will NOT let me NOT be on birth control. Gosh. Freakin'. Damn.
So, what did I do after all this stress (and almost passing out after having to give a mere three tubes of blood?)...I did what any other Main Line kid would do...I went shopping (um...NOTE: due to comments from awhile back, this post is now making me super self-conscious).
After my nerves got all frazzled, I took myself to Cheap Man's Paradise (everything is under $5).
My purchases:
1. Pack of Orgami paper for Kirk
2. Peeps Marshmallow machine and refill pack for Kim and Me (fun Friday night activities)
3. Pair of bright red galoshes
4. Pair of outrageous sunglasses
5. tons of sugar-y goodness (Pop Rocks, chocolate, etc.)
6. Funky colored permanent markers
But then again, I only went to Five Below because I had to buy food for Fredster and Petco (I much prefer Pet Supplies Plus) is right next door. I splurged on her too.
And then...as I was driving home...the local chain record store was going out of business. Everything in the store was 40% off. So of course I had to pick up that Empire Records DVD that I watched a million times as a kid and Willow (hey, I own Masters of the Universe too, so bring it if you have a problem with nerds). I also bought a "best of" Mamas and Papas cd and that Wolf Parade cd that I kinda wanted to buy but didn't really want to buy. 40% off does it for me. I was about to buy a portable XM radio player too it was $119 instead of $199...but I thought I should stop my impulse buys for the day.
I ended my day at WaWa (for all you non-Philly-and-surrounding-area fans out there. WaWa is heaven. And, for the record, its better than Sheetz. In fact, you know what else? I think that WaWa brings us all together. There's something for everyone in there. My parents are getting their house painted and when I came home to enjoy my chicken noodle soup, soft pretzel, slim jim, and iced coffee (which is pure sugar)...of course, the painters were already enjoying a lil' treat they picked up from WaWa too.
It was kinda weird b/c there was a "traveling med student" with her, who obviously now thinks I'm a nutcase. But, oh well. Needless to say, I walked out with 6 different prescriptions for all different things, bloodwork (a thyroid problem checkup), and a promise to say hi to my mom (did I tell you that I went to nursery school w/ my doctor's daughter)? The visit stressed me out.
I realized...after almost breaking down and crying, getting claustrophobic and having my voice shake and my palms sweat, talking (seriously) about last year still makes me nervous. I also realized that I have one of those "I laugh when I need to talk about serious things" complexes (e.g. people dying, my real feelings, etc.). Maybe that means that I can't deal with my emotions. I think I've pushed a lot of things under the proverbial bed thinking that "hey, at least I'm a helluva lot better than last year." But, no, I'm not better.
[For example: I hate how I get blamed for *everything*. I wish I could just apologize and have a one-on-one conversation with everyone in the world to tell them that I'm on their side and that whatever I did to them is a misunderstanding. I wish I could stand up for myself and realize my strengths instead of dwelling on my weaknesses. I wish I was not afraid to be my bad-ass-extroverted-self who I've turned into an introvert....because I just want to connect with people. More than anything, I want to show people that I'm human even if I take gambles or make "bad" choices or say things that most people just think. Everyone always tells me that people are not used to that. I guess I just wish I didn't scare people away. its both my strength and my weakness.]
In lighter news, I think it's cute/funny how my doctor will NOT let me NOT be on birth control. Gosh. Freakin'. Damn.
So, what did I do after all this stress (and almost passing out after having to give a mere three tubes of blood?)...I did what any other Main Line kid would do...I went shopping (um...NOTE: due to comments from awhile back, this post is now making me super self-conscious).
After my nerves got all frazzled, I took myself to Cheap Man's Paradise (everything is under $5).
My purchases:
1. Pack of Orgami paper for Kirk
2. Peeps Marshmallow machine and refill pack for Kim and Me (fun Friday night activities)
3. Pair of bright red galoshes
4. Pair of outrageous sunglasses
5. tons of sugar-y goodness (Pop Rocks, chocolate, etc.)
6. Funky colored permanent markers
But then again, I only went to Five Below because I had to buy food for Fredster and Petco (I much prefer Pet Supplies Plus) is right next door. I splurged on her too.
And then...as I was driving home...the local chain record store was going out of business. Everything in the store was 40% off. So of course I had to pick up that Empire Records DVD that I watched a million times as a kid and Willow (hey, I own Masters of the Universe too, so bring it if you have a problem with nerds). I also bought a "best of" Mamas and Papas cd and that Wolf Parade cd that I kinda wanted to buy but didn't really want to buy. 40% off does it for me. I was about to buy a portable XM radio player too it was $119 instead of $199...but I thought I should stop my impulse buys for the day.
I ended my day at WaWa (for all you non-Philly-and-surrounding-area fans out there. WaWa is heaven. And, for the record, its better than Sheetz. In fact, you know what else? I think that WaWa brings us all together. There's something for everyone in there. My parents are getting their house painted and when I came home to enjoy my chicken noodle soup, soft pretzel, slim jim, and iced coffee (which is pure sugar)...of course, the painters were already enjoying a lil' treat they picked up from WaWa too.
posted by mjs at
1:29 AM
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