Discrimination

Today in mediation training we had to write our biggest fears about mediation on an anonymous post-it note. I had two. The first thing I wrote was that I was scared that I would be too directive during mediation (i.e. that i would want to solve people's problems). The Pittsburgh Mediation Center believes in "transformative mediation." (some mediators don't believe in different philosophies and just think that we should trust instinct...) and if you mediate for the PMC you have to agree to do transformative mediation. This means a lot of active listening, reflection and summarization. anyway, i said that instead of lettiing it be "the parties party" - i would want to hear both sides and tell them what i am hearing and what is "the easiest solution" - not necessarily their solution.

This was a pretty common fear and we spent a lot of time going over how to make sure we are transformative because it's our natural tendency to be directive.

Secondly, I wrote that I was scared of bringing my own prejudices into the mediation (actually i was tired & wrote "discriminating tendencies"). I think that a lot of people at mediation training agreed with me (some people were put off at first...but we're mediators so we're used to being honest about our own feelings & hippie stuff like that).


My second fear got a lot of good feedback. An experienced mediator/our trainer told us a personal story with the moral being that sometimes even she has to check herself during a mediation. She has heard some awful stories and she has sometimes agreed with one person after just reading the intake form or just listening to their overviews of the problem or thought the other was "bad" (i.e. "big corporate" defendant v. small helpless plaintiff; david & goliath; etc.). she reminded us that it's natural to bring our own baggage into the mediation...but she also reminded us that we really just have to listen to each story b/c we just don't know the full story (think: if big corporation gave small plaintiff 10 chances but small plaintiff kept looking at teen pornography AT WORK ...er...AT an elementary school? (see?! bad small plaintiff!!)). usually, the parties (disputants) say the problem is about one thing but sometime into the mediation the mediators realize it's really about something different (maybe the parties realize this for the first time during mediation too). (i.e. they think its a fence dispute but its really about racism).

we were talking about "tools" to fight this urge (b/c like directiveness, the mediators agreed that we all have natural biases). since i brought this up (albeit on an anonymous post-it note at first), i raised my hand and also brought up the fact that the reason i fear doing this is b/c i know that i have a tendency of discriminating against "people like me" and I have to check that. By "people like me" i mean rich, white, heterosexual (or at least more-dominant sexual (?)), jewish, etc. people laughed (i'm by far the youngest in the room so people are like, "awww, how cute" even if i say something not cute...). but it's true. i said that some "tools" i usually use are: 1) to try to put myself in their position (cliche) or 2) (the better one:) i think to myself "what if this person talking to me wasn't [white, jewish, rich, etc.] would i trust them more?

anyway, it's funny because i've been wanting to blog about this full circle thing. Kinda like my laptop cord scandal (see: "Full Circle" on 4.24) the go-betweens have been a sentimental band for my law school career...(see: blogs down below) and Grant McLennan, "a co-founder of Australia's beloved cult band the Go-Betweens" died on May 6th...but I didn't find out until May 8th...right before I turned in my last law school final ever.

maybe today's mediation class shows that i'm growing up (cf. "next go-betweens post" below). at least, now (post-law school), i'm honest about my discrimination, which doesn't take "a traditional form" (query #1: has subliminal racism become the traditional form? query #2: am i anti-semetic (see: all self-hating Jews)?...(ps/ don't you love the word "query"). and recognition and admittance is the first (and second?) step.


Review of Matt E's CD w/ the song "Clouds".

"Clouds" -- the Go Betweens: I like this song, very pop/cute which is what I like...almost folk...and I'm still a fan of the Go Betweens after I heard that piece by the Harvard Med student on NPR. He didn't know if he made the right decision to go to Med school and he sees a record store owner get locked out of his apartment while sitting at a cafe in Spain. He is jealous of their life. He remembers his college days when he used to love the Go Betweens (indie band). His girlfriend tells him that he made the correct decision to go to medical school and he would maybe like that lifestyle for a little but then realize his potential to do more. He seems hesistant to believe her. Then back in the states he has a day that makes him remember why he went to Medical school...and he listens to the Go Betweens on his headphones on the way home. He likes how he can bring some Go Betweens to medical school. ...yes, made me think of myself...

Next Go-Betweens post.

I wanted to write my blog about the Go-Betweens NPR thing again. It came into my mind today as I was walking to the bus from federal tax with my mp3 player and huge headphones. It was the first time i broke out my mp3 player this year. And the big headphones...I love big headphones...I mean the bigger the better, right girls? ( <-- that's my 'no, she didn't!' face, fyi). But no, really, how are you supposed to appreciate music on those dinky little thangs that just look snazzy? You need to go all out w/ the big headphones. Plus, I look pretty damn good with or without the big headphones (<- remember what that face means?).

Back to my headphones and my rockin' mp3 player. Did I mention that my mp3 player was written up in Q magazine (only the most pretentious music magazine out there, in my humble opinion) as the greatest value. And! And! What does your music player say about you? While all those little Avril Lavigne-ites tout their ipod minis looking ever so cheeky, I'll be akin to the ever-so-famous (and dorky, remember the comics everyone) Thom Yorke. "Dog's Bollocks!" (gotta love brittish slang -- http://www.effingpot.com/slang.shtml)

Yes, again, back to my MP3 player...well, the music I was listening to was quite smashing and compassionate me, I was worried about all the people who didn't get to appreciate this music. Namely, those that ride the 71C with me.

Let me preface by stating that I live in Shadyside, one of the posh neighborhoods of Pittsburgh (of course this is all relative). And, the girls that stand at my bus stop...they do that thing...you know...*the little wave*.

Do you know what i'm talking about with *the little wave*? I think I actually hate *the little wave*...and I don't hate much. *The little wave* goes like this:

Step one: get hand in wave formation;

Step two: push fingers tightly together (including thumb);

Step three: wave BUT move hand rapidly back and forth only .25 centimeters.

usually, a fake smile or a long drawn out "hi" accompanies *the little wave*. If you're really special you might also get *the hug that doesn't really touch you*. Also, beware of this double whammy, you might spot a girl who is utilizing one hand to do *the little wave*, while utilizing the other hand to talk on the cell phone. [Sidenote: this girl is probably not interested in either the cellphone conversation or the person she is waving to].

I felt bad for those people (like my generalizations? who says liberals don't pass judgment?) because they'll never know the joy of 1) waving with fingers apart; 2) touching while hugging; 3) wearing big headphones; or 4) listening to the Go-Betweens or music of like genre.