Yesterday I decided to take the leap. I changed my voting party.

For as long as I can remember I have always been someone to do whatever is "least expected" (making people like Doug expect what I am going to do because there is a definite trend). So, although I might be far to the left, a little too far for all you realistic folk, my sophomore year of college I decided to register Republican.

Why? No, it was not to sabotage the primaries and place a vote against the favored Republican in order to help democrats in the long run. Two different trains of thought converged into my one decision.

First was my dad. He is a super Republican but when he talks to me about Republican ideals its like he is telling me a fairy tale. With the perfect ending and perfect means. Whats fair and what is not fair. Growing up I was always a daddy's girl and whatever he said rang true. That and also him and my mom were the coolest people in the Main Line and I really respected how they made their money from the bottom up as opposed to through dirty means and grandparents dying.

I guess that's where point #2 came in. With my disdain for most people in my community who took things for granted growing up and then flaunted them PRETENDING they cared about smaller causes -- I couldn't stand. Thats why I also have a secret hate for moderate democrats or people who claim to be fiscally republican yet a social democrat. It just doesn't work that way in my head. So...with my sorority sisters telling me that I was a democrat and looking at them -- although good people -- and what they stereotypically stood for (not personally, Natalie, Melanie, and Danielle were the best of the bunch, is this enough of a disclaimer yet?) I couldn't bring myself to admit to them that I am a democrat. Why? Because I wasn't their type of democrat (in case you didn't catch it before, not *their* type of democrat but stereotypically the sorority girl, rich kid growing up, I am a jew so I am underrepresented type of democrat). So, they said Democrat and I wrote Republican.

So...my point to all this controversial jibba-jabba...I loved the fact that I was a card carrying Republican because I was also a card carrying ACLU member; I did workshops in prisons and juvenile facilities; I fought for economic and social justice; I sold books door to door; I was a Jew turned Christian turned Jew -- It all just didn't make sense and that is what made the most sense to me. But finally I threw in the towel.

Why am I sad? Because my towel throwing was all for Howard Dean. Although not agreeing with everything that he said -- he most closely represented my ideal candidate. And he represented what I think is even more important than his platform -- he represented a politician, a person, making his voice known standing up for dissent. He was someone to look up to because I knew that his faith in his beliefs drove him everyday. This fervor is what I saw in all the mockeries of his screaming on TV. Not anger or being upset at losing but at losing his sense of urgency that is extreme in him, and what I think is a very respectable quality.

I don't think I am going to change my party back to Republican. I think I am going to stay a democrat for a while -- at least so I can still vote Dean in the PA primaries.